Mother’s Day. A commercial holiday?

Maybe that’s why I feel so sold out. Seems to me it was quite a big deal when the kids were growing up, but maybe that’s because Daddy was the one who made the fuss and took everyone out to eat at some special restaurant. This was not the day for mom to cook. These days I’ve learned not to be too inquisitive, but I confess to a bit of curiosity. Is mother’s day a special time for my daughters in law, or has that gone the way of real letters and cursive writing?

I see flower deliveries on the front desk of the lobby, in the complex where I live. To be honest, I was the recipient of flowers from my darling dog, Daisy, by way of a friend, who is growing older disgracefully as am I, and whose 2 legged daughter still indulges her. My friend and I spent a wonderful week together and she will foster Daisy, if I am given early retirement to my cabin in the sky.

I always sent my mother a card, even when we were apart, but that probably wasn’t enough and is on my list of do- overs, should I get the chance. My mother in law, who lived nearby, was given a celebratory day alongside me.

Since I have concluded that growing older is a reversal of the steps taken when we are growing up, I understand why we are so affected by those around us. It’s like being back in school, where your ranking was so important. Those of us who are not taken out on Mother’s Day, sit together at what I have characterized as the orphan’s table, so that we don’t feel alone.

I hate to admit to being so mean spirited, but all the showing around of cards proclaiming love and all that jazz, does make me wish that I had more dogs. Also sad for the son who is no longer here and who I always miss,and who didn’t consider mother’s day a commercial holiday. He’s also on my list of do-overs.

Mother’s Day. Makes me question my skills as a mother and also makes me question what I could have done or should have been. For me, the longer I live, the longer  my list of do-overs gets. It’s okay. They’re part of the human condition. As am I .

Happy Mother’s Day.  You, too, Hallmark!

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