Two Be or Not To Be Two?

 Many of us old grrouches have had long marriages, and some of them quite pleasing, and so when these marriages come to an end -not by choice but by divine intervention- the question arises as to the feasibility of replacement. When good relationships end, for whatever reason, there is a always an amount of pain, often somewhat ameliorated by thoughts of, in with the new, out with the old. Not meaning to sound so callous, but deep down in most of us, that little streak of optimism, which does tend to rear its cheery head at the most inopportune times, displays some trite little comfortable phrase like life goes on, and we all do need our comfort and so we tend to agree.

However, we must remember that despite thoughts of the new, we did have to deal with pain for the old, and the future does not seem as limitless as it once did. Therefore, if we consider a second go round, we may have to deal with pain again, at a time when age is taking an even greater toll and the future is still shrinking.

In other words, we have to decide if we want to live by ourselves, and to consider that after having always been at the bottom of the list, we have suddenly become numero uno. That doesn’t mean we no longer care for friends and neighbors, it just means that we have decided to do what we want to do, when we want to do it, without constant consideration of the desires of another person at all times.

I’ve been characterized as being selfish for wanting to read late into the night, thereby keeping my partner awake and maybe I was, but now I answer only to me and I have learned to love myself. In fact, I spread so much love around me, that the spillover touches those to whom I come in contact. Some days I’m so buoyed by the wings of love, that I want to fly down the halls of my apartment, but I don’t. Maybe everyone isn’t growing older as disgracefully as I, and they wouldn’t understand.

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